Mj the Destroyer

There comes a time when you will have to plan a Parade…

Within our society there are certain events that mark and define you as a person. Learning how to drive, your first kiss, Bar Mitzvah, prom, going to college, learning how to shot a gun, and planning a parade. 

So when it comes time for you to plan and execute planning a parade, you need to decide on a few things. 

1) How awesome do you want to be…?

That is really all you have to decide. So in order to be awesome - you must follow a strict diet leading up to your big day. If you stick to it, it may actually help you from slapping someone’s teeth out. 

Awesome Parade Diet:

• Start each morning with a bowl of oatmeal, eat while driving into work.        (This helps with digestion).
• Eat weird melted chocolate that is left over from a Job Fair any chance you get.
• If you see a plate of cookies steal two. Stay away from sugar cookies.
• Start drinking Dr. Pepper like water. Or Add it to your water - as a healthy alternative. 
• Don’t worry about eating dinner anymore, just have a weird salad for lunch. And pray for french fries. 
• Buy a dozen Dunkin’ donuts “for someone’s birthday” eat at least four of them. ( Wash down with a Dr. Pepper - remember think healthy!) 
• Get McDonald’s on the way home: Spicy Chicken Sandwich, Medium Dr. Pepper, and medium Strawberry Shake. 
• Once you get home - throw up! 

Do this for about a week and your Parade should be Gold!

*Granted if may want to pace yourself, I recommend Oatmeal every other morning. 

If you are able to hold to this strict and rigorous diet, reward yourself with cotton candy the day of your event…